Here is a list of thing I do now Ned has taken up residence in our house:
1) Bend and move – Ned is now dangerously mobile in his walker/mobile command centre. Sadly, his development is at an unfinished stage where he can move at blinding speed, but cannot turn. This means that it takes him all of 20 seconds to get from one end of the living room to another, which in turn means that we have to get up, turn him around, and let him do exactly what he’s just done, but in the opposite direction. If we don’t, Ned continues to go forward, shunting into the patio doors until someone notices. Rude, if I’m honest.
2) Scoop and move – I remember a time where sofas were smooth, empty surfaces that were there to be filled by arses. This is no longer the case, as the space usually occupied by my beautiful backside now houses a variety of things, including Toys, packs of wipes, vests, onesies and of course, tubes of teething gel.
3) Talk bollocks – ‘Rrrrah’ ‘Gwuuuh’ and ‘Psssh’ are not words you will find in any dictionary. These are also not words that have any meaning, substance or relevance to any topic. However, this, along with similar sounds, are what my son currently says. To encourage his little voice box to get its arse into gear, we repeat things he ‘says’ in the hope that one day, he will just give up and say ‘Dada’ – which has been endlessly repeated to him for about three months. So far, he’s been fairly selfish, sticking to his own language, which doesn’t lend itself well to much intelligent conversation, to be honest.
4) Hope – every morning, when I hear him shouting into thin air at 4am, I close my eyes, and hope that our darling son will think to himself ‘You know what? I can wait. I don’t need my nappy changed for another couple of hours, I’m not hungry, and I’m quite happy staring at this Ceiling for a while. Dad and Mum can have a lie in for a while’ This trail of thought has yet to manifest itself in his small, developing brain.
So, there you go.