Maybe some introductions are in order.

This is my son, Ned (right)


Currently 17 weeks old as of this writing, Ned was born on the 9th of December 2011, weighing in at a fairly average (so I’m told) 7 Pounds 7 Ounces. His arrival brought with it a newly realised tolerance to crying, wiping the arse of another, and being awoken at times people should never be awoken.

He’s a fairly well behaved baby – so I’ve been told in comparison to other, less well behaved ones. Last week, he learned how to laugh, self settle, roll over and fetch (the last one was a lie, though rolling seemed to surprise him as much as us)

My (limited) experience into parenting and Fatherhood has revealed the following so far:

1) It is perfectly acceptable to, in public, lift a baby so his crotch or arse is at your face height, so you can smell whether or not they have been to the toilet.

2) Around 16 weeks, a baby can and will start aggressively chewing anything put near his mouth. Said chewing results in an inhuman amount of spit, which will inevitably cover your hands/elbows/dinner

3) Once a baby smiles at something you have done, you will inevitably do that ‘thing’ to death to get that same reaction again. We have been recently saying the word ‘cough’ at high speeds over and over again because ONCE, Ned laughed at it.

4) You become accostomed to tolerating someone elses poo on your hand. This si something that takes time, but eventually, like a war veteran, you become cold to it even happening. That being said I will never look at a Satay sauce the same way again.

5) You try hard all day to get them to sleep. Once they’re asleep, you spend all day making sure they’re still breathing, hoping they’ll wake up

There are other things, but these ones stick in my head as the most important discoveries I have experienced. That, and the fact that up until becoming a parent, I had never said the word ‘Onesie’.


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